Look for the girl with the broken smile, ask her if she wants to stay a while and she will be loved.

You know, I never know what to write about in these sort of things. Especially if someone is reading it. I feel like its my personal feelings being just wide open, and judged. Makes me feel exposed. *shrugs* On the other hand, its not like my personal feelings wont come out sooner or later anyway, right? Still, I would love to just pretend~ Pretend I'm okay, strong, all that jazz. Truth is I'm not. I'm full of faults and cracks just like everyone else in this world. Perhaps it is good if I do this. Be honest in a world full of liars, and this is a world full of liars. Heck, I'm a liar. If I can't be truthful to my own blog though, where can I be truthful? Meh, would be so much easier if I didn't have to trust others with the truth.

Anyway, at some point in my first post I was talking about who I was... I think. Too lazy to check. I've been thinking about that person a lot lately... and I think I have a good hold on who I am. I've realized why this has been such a big deal for me too (has been bothering me for about a month and a half now). Its because I like having an identity. I like knowing myself inside and out... heck I like knowing anything inside and out. The more you know, the better you can predict, change, and make things come out the way you want it. Plus, by having a solid foundation of who I am... I just think I'll be a lot better off in general. Mentally speaking.

1. I'm angry and vengeful. Not a good way to start out this list, huh? xD But its the truth. When I feel like I am cheated, or wronged, I get angry. Especially when it is something I care about. Heck everyone does, I think. The problem is I let my anger out by saying or doing things that are... bad. Sometimes I just bitch out the person, other times I do something to piss them off, other times I just ignore them and treat them as if they don't exist. I feel bad afterwards, but for some reason I can't control the anger.
2. I have an extremely low self esteem. I suppose I should tell you now, if you are looking for good points about me they will be few and far between. Anyway, after my experience with my father, and especially with my experiences lately in life, I don't believe I am a good person. I could go on, but continuing to berate myself doesn't seem healthy in the slightest.
3. I am very caring. Finally, a good point! But yeah, I like to believe I care about others more than most people. I take other people's thoughts and feelings into consideration when I do anything, even if it doesn't affect them in the slightest. Usually above myself (See self esteem issues).
4. I like to make others laugh. Means they are having fun, and I am helping/the cause of said joy in their life. No greater happiness can be had for me.
5. I'm lazy. Truth is that I get a lot of joy from just lazing around, and doing pretty much nothing. And by nothing, I don't mean just lying on my bed staring at the ceiling all day (though circumstances depending, that can be enjoyable too.) What I mean by doing nothing is doing nothing productive. Going to a mall, and just looking at random crap all day. Watching a marathon of my favorite t.v. series. Talking with friends about random stuff. When I say doing nothing, I mean nothing productive.
6. I'm afraid of failure. Because I care so much, and I have such a low self esteem, failure hits really hard for me too.
7. I think too much. I like to think about everything and anything... usually to the point that it gives me headaches. Because of most of the above facts, it is usually bad thinking too.

Well, that's enough for one night. Add more as I think of them.