Hello, all. This is my newest blog, and you can probably expect it to get more attention then my other one. I created this blog at the request of a friend of mine who I was unable to say no to. (She said please.) Though, one problem I've always had with blogs is what I should write. Especially when there is someone reading it. Should I just go through the events of my day? I'd rather not, seeing as how it is un-eventful and thusly boring. I don't particularly want to give my opinion on any controversial topics, either. If people want my opinion, they can ask it. Then again, she did kind of ask me to make this blog... does that count? Regardless, to me a blog is someplace to write out any prevalent thoughts. So, that's what I am going to use it for.
Two prevalent thoughts seem to be swirling currently. The first is about the girl who asked me to make this blog. I've been thinking about her quite a bit. Not constantly or obsessively, but more than most people in my life. Tied for first with one other person. Sorry, I tend to go on about things I feel are important. Maybe I should use my first blog for a chance to just say who I am? But won't you all figure that out as you read anyway? Show, not tell. That is one of the first rules of writing. See?! I went from thinking about a girl to rules of writing. Back on topic, the second thought I've been having is about life. Seeing as how its not going to end by my hand anytime at all, I have to figure out what to do with it. It can be anything I want it to be, which means I really don't want to fuck it up.
Anyway, in-depth to the first thought, shall we? She told the police that I was thinking about killing myself. Did it irk me a bit? ...Scared the shit out of me. That's for sure. Coming home to cops is not a nice way to end the day when you are on probation. Still, after the events of that night I know it was for the best. Though, I know why she called the po-po. She cares about me and does not want me to hurt myself. I wonder what I really mean to her though. Calling the police on someone is something that can be done for an acquantice. I suppose if I were to sit down I would realize it really doesn't matter. Whether she thinks of me as some looney she has to be sure doesn't jump off a bridge, or more than that doesn't affect me in anyway. But I do care. I want to know where I stand with her, cause I know where she stands with me. How important am I? I could list all these hints and things that point one way or the other... but I really don't know. I won't know until she says something, and she doesn't seem to be too keen on giving that info up. XD. Ah well, for the time being I suppose I will just have to do my best.
Second thought! What am I going to do with my life? I already have a vague idea on what I want to do... The path to do it seems pretty clear too. I guess I am just wishing I could be at the finish line already. Ah well, they say getting there is half the battle. I got a note on facebook that lists all these promises I made to myself. I update and change as necessary, but that is kind of where I am getting at. I want to draw the line on who I am. What do I do, think, feel, etc. What is important to me? Who do I want to be? To be honest, I have no idea yet. Like I said, I have a vague idea, but I want to be definitive as possible. I want to make myself into someone I can be proud of, and that can't have any vagueness. I'm sure I will figure it out eventually, but for right now its really bothering me. I feel like a swimmer just treading water.... and I want to move.
Well! That is my first blog post. I dunno how often I will update it... I guess it depends on how much I have thoughts I wish to write down, and how often someone wants to read new stuff.
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