So apparently I am supposed to blog about my problems so that a friend can read them and give feedback. To be honest, I'm kind of upset and really don't want to do it... but I don't want to just metaphorically spit on her kindness either. So here it goes.
After my girlfriend of a year and a half dumped me for some ass-wipe who fucked anything that moved, and my dad pressed criminal charges for something I didn't do, I felt hurt. I was annoyed and pissed at them, especially because I had learned to open up and begin to trust them. After that... I kind of got really emotional. I took everything as a personal attack on me, and got paranoid and yeah... in a really bad state. Better now. Now I am just kind of apathetic to my issues which... solves the problem I did have. I no longer think everything is a personal attack, I can let stuff slide easier and overall I am just more cynical and apathetic.
The bad news is I am cynical and apathetic. Let me explain... I am afraid that by becoming cynical and apathetic to most things, I will start to lose my enjoyment of life. Like, eventually I will just wake up, realize what I need to do, do it, and just keep living life like that. Not truly living. I know that's kind of how it is right now. That's mostly because I am up to my neck in debts, and all I really can do is work to pay that shit off... but I'm still really worried. I've done that kind of life before, and it sucks.
So should I start caring more? But if what if I get hurt as much as I did this time? I mean, I got really fucked up. I got played, used, abused, and all because I cared so much for something. Because I trusted someone, and trusted the world to be fair. Idk, maybe I am just being a bitch about this and need to man up. Accept hurt will come, and just overcome it when it does. No reason to hide from shit just cause it may suck.
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