Graveyards and lonliness

Ever since I was young I have loved graveyards. Whenever I was stressed or sad I would just go up to the one by the library, and look at all the gravestones. See, most people in this world would hate to know the future. Ruins the suspense, and all that. Me? I've always loved being able to know what would happen next. Allows for better planning. Obviously we know which of these people get their wish, but for me graveyards showed my future. Death. No matter what I felt, did, or accomplished I knew that it would all wash away. Eventually, all that would become of me is a little granite stone with a rotting corpse in a coffin underneath. That was refreshing to me, cause it gave everything I did so little importance. It was like, it did not matter what I did... In a way, I was free with that thought.

That's kind of the thought process I am using right now to cope. That all this really doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things. My life is whatever I want it to be, and I can't mope any more than I already have. I gotta go out there and just... do my best. Cause even if I fail... it won't really matter in the end. Besides, after what happened yesterday I realized what a bitch Kelsey is. Truly and utterly, she is the most selfish person I have ever met. Hell, even my dad at least had a sense of fairness about him. Though if she is so horrible, why am I so sad?

I suppose the thing I miss most about Kelsey is the companionship. I mean, having someone by my side whenever I wanted them. Having someone who cared for me and showed it constantly. I guess just sharing my life with someone was pretty much the greatest joy I could ask for. Oh well. There will be others besides her. Better ones no less. Her selfishness will eventually be her undoing, and I take great joy in that fact.

Ended a friendship the other day. She kept telling me that I was this whiny kid who could not think for himself. Obviously I don't agree, but whatever. She is not worth the time it would take to argue with her. If she really thinks that is all I am... well I guess she will just be missing out.